Hey! You probably haven’t gotten a message from me in a while. That might be because I completely abandoned this project in favor of looking for (paid) work, which was only mildly successful. But lately I’ve gotten the urge to pick the newsletter back up and try to be more regular with it, so here we are.
Just to jog your memory, the last time we spoke was when I sent out Part 1 of my life’s work—a guide to planning the perfect solo trip. As I already mentioned, Part 2 took a backseat. But here it is now! Part 1 covered how to research everything for your solo trip, and this (final) part will be about what to do once you’re actually on the trip.
pretend you live there
This is one of the ideas I live by when I’m on solo trips. When I land in a new place, I immediately start pretending that I’ve just moved there. I’ve found that this creates the perfect balance on a trip—you still end up doing some touristy stuff and sightseeing, because you’re curious about your new “home,” but you also do things you’d do in any place you actually were moving to, like sitting in a cafe and reading.
If you were moving to a new city, you’d explore the city and get to know it, but you’d take time for yourself, too, knowing that your time there is sort of unlimited. The “exercise” of pretending I’m a newly-minted local sometimes ends up tricking my brain into producing more serotonin or something (no one ask me how science works), because it’s like I actually start believing the lie. If I’m sitting at a restaurant terrace in Florence, alone, listening to actual locals interact, I start to just act like this is my life now. I’ll tell myself I need to work on getting Italian lessons, that I have to come back to this restaurant if it’s good, that I’d like to rent a room in a building like the ones across the street. If I’m staying at an Airbnb, I pretend it’s my apartment in the city, and that I’m the one who chose and decorated it. I lean into my new life, whatever that means wherever I am.
consult the list…and lose the itinerary
I think people who have a super-strict itinerary for a solo trip are delusional. I’m an extremely organized person, but I still don’t feel like there should be any reason for stress when you’re traveling alone. If you read Part 1, you already have a huge list of research with a million things to do. Use the list to loosely plan out your days—something like oh, tomorrow I have the morning free so I’ll go to this brunch place I want to try, and then I’ll go to that museum I wrote down, since it’s only a five-minute walk from the restaurant—but don’t try to stick to some hour-by-hour schedule. You’ll only burn yourself out and end up either doing nothing at all or seething at how exhausted you are.
The list is there to give you options! You won’t get everything done (unless you’re there for an extended period, maybe), but in those moments when you’re alone and need something to do, you have plenty. I’ve definitely never done this, but say you’re on your way to lunch and you get on a tram that’s supposed to take you to this cool restaurant, but the tram is confusing and full of people and a German man with a huge backpack is blocking your view and you end up getting off at the complete wrong stop. This could be a mess, but you have the list and you see that one of the other places you wanted to check out is just a short walk away.
One of the beautiful things about solo traveling and not having a crazy itinerary is that you get to do what you want when you want. If you want to have dinner at 10 pm, no one’s stopping you. Want to sleep in? Go ahead. Use this to your advantage and do everything your way on the trip—order the extra side, ride the bike you’re embarrassed to look dumb on, fall asleep at the beach.
book some kind of tour or experience
This has been crucial to my feelings about every single place I’ve visited. Tours, whether they’re an hour or an entire day, give you an inside look into the area you’re in, and they’re valuable for a lot of reasons.
Most cities do free walking tours (just Google “free walking tour [city]” and you’ll get plenty of results) that require you to either sign up online in advance or just show up the day of. I always prefer to book my walking tour for either my first day or second morning in a city—that way you start the trip with some knowledge of the city and how it’s laid out. Walking around will help you orient yourself better, and you may even find cool spots you want to come back to later on in the trip, like cafes or landmarks or lookout points. I’ve discovered lots of hidden gems on these tours. A walking tour will also give you something I find really important: context about the city you’re in. You’ll learn which neighborhoods historically held which groups of people, how King Whoever marched his troops into the town square in 1676 and publicly executed his enemy, why the houses are made of stone and not wood. This will enrich the rest of your trip and give you a sort of foundation for your stay.
If you don’t think the free walking tour can deliver the type of guidance you need, there are plenty of other options. Even as I find myself almost never using Airbnb itself these days, I like Airbnb Experiences for more specific tours and outings. You can definitely find general tours there that cover similar points as the free walking tours, but you can also find things like food tours, tours of a specific neighborhood, themed tours, and tours that cater to your interests. The experiences are also really varied and interesting—take a cooking class, make your own art, have a photoshoot with a professional, travel to a nearby site. I tend to look through most of the relevant Airbnb Experiences for my destination before I go.
talk to people
I know this may be surprising advice from me, someone who heavily related to Larry David even as a middle-school girl, but hear me out.
Never in my life did I consider myself a social or outgoing person…until strangers in Europe started complimenting me on it. I’ve always been a natural-born clown who lives to entertain, but that usually only applied to my friends—I’d never been comfortable committing clownery in front of new people. One of my biggest fears is starting a conversation with someone I don’t know. Once I’m in the conversation, I’m great—I can keep it going, maybe make you laugh, possibly turn you off from approaching strangers for the rest of your time on Earth—but initiating is hard. I’m not good at making the first move.
The thing I realized on all these solo trips is that everyone is there for the same reason as you: they want to go on this amazing trip, make memories, have fun, and they probably would love, as a bonus, to meet people along the way. No one goes to a hostel dinner or a group tour alone and thinks I don’t want to be bothered. They may be awkward or intimidated, but I’d assume that most of the time, if they’re putting themselves in those settings, they’re open to conversation. It makes it less terrifying for you to initiate or include yourself in a conversation once you realize that everyone around you is having the exact same thoughts as you. Nobody there alone knows anyone else either, and you have the ability to meet and bond with people you’ll probably actually have fun with.
After testing the waters on a few trips and making tons of really interesting and cool friends during all of them, I finally got comfortable being “social” and turning my personality on in those settings (hostels, tours, bar crawls). The biggest challenge came on my first night in Berlin this fall—I was staying in a not-very-social hostel with no space for people to meet, I didn’t know anyone who could hang out that night, and I really wanted to go out to a specific club. I was literally pacing in my room, wondering what I should do, feeling like a teenager who’s afraid to go to a sleepover where they’re afraid they won’t fit in or something.
In my panic, I decided to go down to the lobby, which had been empty all day. I saw a pretty big group of people a few feet away who, I realized (after a little eavesdropping), didn’t seem to know each other. They were all random people who had just met, and they were talking…about going to the exact club I wanted to go to. They were leaving soon. For some reason, this provoked a whirlwind of anxiety in me—I realized that not only would I have to insert myself into their conversation, I’d have to invite myself out with them and then spend the night with strangers. I pictured them rejecting me, telling me they were all friends and didn’t want to take anyone else. I texted my sister and asked her what to do. I sat in that chair actually sweating thinking about what a shame it would be if I let my anxiety get the best of me and missed my chance to do something I really wanted to do. The fomo would’ve killed me, so I got up and approached them.
And I did the right thing! They welcomed me into the group, told me they’d wait for me to change clothes, gave me drinks, and chatted with me on the way to the club. I spent the whole night with them, dancing and drinking and having a seriously great time. Imagine if I had sacrificed that for a night in, just because I was afraid of what strangers might hypothetically think of me.
So yeah, it’s worth it to talk to people! Plus, meeting people on a solo trip means you get to choose who to spend your time with and how much time to give them, unlike a friend trip where people end up hating each other over petty shit. You can go on a solo trip expecting to meet nobody and end up spending your entire time there with new people, or you can actively choose to spend that time by yourself. Either way, no one’s stopping you.
get familiar with public transport
I cannot stress this enough. If you’re traveling in a big city, public transport will save your ass. I’m emphasizing this more specifically for my American friends—outside of places like NYC or Chicago, it’s not very common to use public transport in the US, and when people from smaller or badly-connected American cities visit places with great public transportation networks, I’ve noticed that they don’t seem to take advantage of them, simply because they’re so used to driving everywhere.
Before you visit, look up what types of public transportation exist in the city you’ll be in. Is there a subway or metro? Buses? Trams or trolleys? Ferries? Buses have low-key become my favorite mode of transport in a new place—they’re usually cheap, less crowded than trains, and allow you to see the city and orient yourself.
I know I’ll get shit for this, but I’m an Apple Maps user til I die…and Apple Maps is actually great for showing bus/tram routes and all different modes of transport. Depending on the city, it predicts pretty accurate arrival times.
Remember to also check what types of ride-sharing services are available in the city you’re traveling to. It’s obviously always better to not use them if possible, but sometimes when you’re traveling solo you need an escape plan. In Madrid, for example, the metro closes at 1:30 am and opens at 5 am. If you’re out late but don’t feel like staying out til 5, you can take a night bus, but the night buses don’t go everywhere, and sometimes they drop you far from home in places where you don’t want to be walking alone in the middle of the night.
learn about the culture of the country or city you’re visiting
I’m not saying you have to become an expert on all things Czech before you visit Prague, but it would be nice to do some research to feel more prepared. There are certain things that vary from country to country that you might want to consider while traveling:
Restaurant and store opening/closing times — If you want to eat dinner at 6 pm, you may not find any restaurants open in certain places.
Nightlife schedule — In some parts of the US, bars and clubs close at 1 am. That means people go out early and go home early. When American friends would visit me in Madrid, I’d have to break the news to them that the pre-game there doesn’t even start until midnight, and heading out to the club at 2 or 3 is normal. If you’re planning to go out on a solo trip, definitely get a feel for this first. I’ve been the first one at a club before, and it feels weird.
Tipping — Some countries require tipping, others don’t, and others still would be offended at the thought of a tip. There’s also the added question of what types of establishments you have to tip at in which country: bars, restaurants, cafes, nail salons, fancy places?
Holidays — Are there any local or national holidays happening during your visit? This is great to know, of course, if you want to take part in parties and festivals, but also if you want to know which days most places in that city will be closed.
Etiquette — How do you determine what’s considered “good manners” in certain countries? Think about whether the place you’re visiting has a particularly religious context, for starters. For me, etiquette also includes trying to learn a few key phrases in that place’s language, if applicable. That’s how I got people to be nice to me in Paris!
go to the supermarket
There’s something so perfectly satisfying about visiting a supermarket in a foreign country. I guess this doesn’t apply if you’re from, like, California and go to visit Montana. I love exploring supermarkets to see what types of things they sell in different places—sometimes it’s just food, but sometimes there are beauty products and books and things like that, too. The ready-made food is always a good option if you want a cheap way to try the local cuisine (thinking of all the cold pasta salads at German supermarkets). I like looking through the things they have in the drink aisle, and the snacks.
final thoughts
I’ve truly given you everything you need to plan the perfect solo trip. NO NOTES. I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but I’m going to try to let go of my perfectionist thing and send it out anyway. Next time I write to you, I’ll be back to our regularly scheduled content—or not; it’s my newsletter.
Con mucho amor,
Kim